An Endless Stream of Consciousness

Quote of the Day: "It's not about the tears we Cry, It's about how hard we Try."

My last post in Toronto. Flight time is in less than 5 hrs. Was gonna blog abit on my last day here but suddenly find myself at a loss for words. All i can say is i don't want to leave. But i have to. Took a walk down memory lane this afternoon amidst my hectic packing schedule. i don't have the time to miss everyone and everything right now as i would have thought. very occupied yet i still feel a sense of emptiness inside of me. Goodbye Toronto.

Quote of the Day: "If Equal Affection cannot Be, Let the more Loving be Me."

Holland are through to the semi-finals! yeah! heh... watched the match with kangwei after lunch at village by the grange. after 120 minutes of virtual boredom, except for a handful of chances that were saved or hit the post, it was down to the dreaded shooutout again! (which holland have a horrible record in). thankfully i finally get a rub of the green and at least one of my 2 teams are through. earlier on in the morning, i almost overslept--thankfully kw called my cell so i woke up and rushed to join up with him to play soccer at the back campus with the mainland chinese group. this is the first time i've touched a soccer ball since the last time i played before the exams. it goes without saying that some of my touches were a little rusty, but i surprised myself with how long i was able to last. we played for 3 hours, and altho i was tired to say the least, i didn't lose too much of my energy. this of course is played in 15-21 degrees tho, and not the insane heat and humidity of sg, so as yet i reserve my judgement until i have had a few sessions back home.

last nite i went out for dinner at italian town with bob, edmund, choot, phil, apple, kitiya, steph, and jenny. and needless to say, in typical "wunai gang" fashion we took ages to find a place we liked and sat down to eat. we took an average of 5 minutes stopping at each junction and just standing ard. a bit wunai if i should say so myself :P well, in the end i was treated to the meal as i was leaving, and it was really nice of all them. we took tonnes of pics as well. quite a few were taken with this set of statues--with an old man and little boy. everybody was acting silly lol. oh then eddie and i had ice cream for dessert.. and stupid me had to get ice cream on my specs so beh tahan. was kinda blur even after i wiped it.. sigh. oh well, then i had to take off my specs for a couple of the photos cuz my specs were screwed. but a couple of ppl think my eyes looked significantly different without glasses, so in the end i had to keep the "blur look" on. heck i mean what's the big fuss, it's not like my eyes are like mashimaro's. i mean u can still see them... and i personally know of tonnes more frens and ppl with much smaller eyes. and it's weird for both of them to comment this time around since it's NOT the first time they saw me without glasses. plus i'm not a girl so i don't need to have huge eyes with long fluttery eyelashes thank you. neways, enuff of this trivial topic... i came back and forgot to buy something that my sis instructed me to from hasty market. felt so dumb. *sigh*. 2 days to departure. toronto is indeed a beautiful place. as yet i have no comments on what i feel tho.

And so mighty england have fallen. and what a fall it was, yet again for the third time in recent history they have been on the receiving end of a penalty shootout heartbreak, and for that they have no one else to thank than their skipper david beckham. how he can completely miss the goal by as much as he did with his effort i'll never know. all i know is if i were manager i would never want him taking anymore spot kicks in the future. it would probably be cruel to place all the blame on his shoulders however, as he did have a decent match, being involved in setting up both england goals. for it truly was a night of ironies.


"Miss it like Beckham"

it was ironic that the much touted "feet of rooney" that were supposed to send the host nation packing weren't given much of a chance as the young boy wonder was to break a bone in his foot not long into the game, and that vassell who came on for him was to miss the decisive penalty in the shootout later on in the night. it was also ironic that postiga, who plies his trade in england with tottenham and was considered a failure in his first year, was to come on and grab the all important equaliser that sent the game into extra time. it was even more ironic that campbell's header at the death was once again strangely disallowed--reminiscent of world cup 98, when england lost out to argentina on penalties after also drawing 2-2. perhaps the biggest irony is how eriksson could make the same mistake he did against france by substitutting both his star midfielders scholes and gerrard before the game was effectively won.

i understand it was only 10 minutes to go, and that england were 1-0 up at that time, but from the game vs france, and from his hugely illustrious managerial career, i was annoyed by his shocking naivity at making the same mistake twice within a fortnight. the game is never over until the final whistle has been blown. if us fans can understand the simplicity of that statement, why can't an internationally reknowned manager like you understand it?? and boy was he punished for his over-confidence. postiga and not least of all a rui costa cracker put paid to england's hopes of winning the game. i wonder what eriksson must be thinking now. or beckham for that matter. he mentioned before the game that he will keep taking penalties for england even if he were to miss the next ten. i'm sure from now on everyone in the land will be on their knees and begging him to step aside when they next get one. it's another 2 more years till england get another chance to banish their international nightmare. in the meantime, it's pure frustration and heartache for the passionate and loyal contingent of england fans.

4 more days left in T.O. been busy lately so haven't fully taken in what's about to happen yet. but now i'm alone at home and looking out of the room (to be yuandong's next year) window which overlooks the Toronto skyline and i'm starting to miss this place already. can't believe that i have spent exactly 1/3 of my life in canada including the one year spent here when i was 4. granted i am only 21 right now, but that is still a long period of time in anyone's life. so much has happened in that time span. i have been to many places, met tonnes of people, shared dozens of experiences, collected countless memories, made many new friends, and done a lot of things-- some of which i regret but have now accepted over time. yet nothing takes away the beauty of my experience here for the last 6 yrs.

on hindsight each moment good or bad has it's own beauty, and in a way they have collectively helped me grow into the person i am today. not that i am anyone great, in fact i'm far from it. but my outlook towards diff things and my goals in life have changed vastly compared to a 15 yr old me six years ago--just about to board the plane for another country where i will be left on my own without my parents and sister. i choose to believe that everything that has happened since then has all been for the better. and as i prepare to close this chapter of my life, i vow to make just as much out of the next phase of my life. if possible, to cherish every single moment even more. over time i have come to realize that happiness is determined by the individual him/herself. there may be many outside factors, some of them huge, that may affect our moods and emotions; but nothing can take away our happiness unless we choose to let that happen. so whatever happens these next few days i will make them good ones as they shall be my last in T.O. for a long time to come.

WAYNE ROONEY 4. vs REST OF EUROPE 0. Portugal be warned.

gosh.. so busy these few days.. even now i am supposed to be packing and stuff but taking a short break. parents are leaving today and have lots to do.. .they're gonna bring some of my mountain load of stuff back for me. plus my mom is a perfectionist when it comes to packing. everything has to be neat and tidy.. very tiring for me as a result.

yesterday went out with the gang to watch italy vs sweden. pretty entertaining it was, 1-1 the final score courtesy of a late equaliser from the swedish boy wonder zlatan ibrahimovich. united should really try signing him. neways, near the end when sweden almost scored a winner, kitiya let out this high pitched scream and everyone in the theatre turned around and looked at us.,. kinda funny tho. haha. oh yeah, and saw totti in the crowd... too bad he couldn't control his saliva, otherwise he might have been able to help his team. and speaking of totti, boy is his gf hot!! what a babe. :) but i guess all these stars just have these supermodel gfs. that's the norm. i wouldn't be surprised if even ronaldinho has a good looking gf. neways, gotta get back to work. so tired.. but more packing to do. *sigh*

Quote of the Day: "Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. This way, you can criticize them, be a mile away, and have their shoes."

it's always the same ol' story. whenever i meet up with my parents after a long time they'll end up making me eat like i just got out of prison like dat. add to that the fact that i now hardly have any time to go and work out or play soccer cuz i have to entertain them all day and u have a guy who is gaining a bit of weight. well as long as i don't gain weight the same way i did a few years ago i'm happy. thankfully i still have pilates to help me get some minimally needed exercise. it still doesn't feel enough tho. so upon the suggestions of apple and kitiya, i have decided to join them for their workout sessions starting next week when my parents have left :) thx for the invitation u two! my pals back home have also lined up quite a few soccer outings for me already once i arrive in sg. think i better tell them i need to adjust to the humidity and heat first and the 'jet lag' effect has to be taken into account.

i also found out that starting from the current batch of NS intakes, they will be cutting short our service term by 4 months... and by the time the december 2004 intake goes in it will be 6 months off for them. this is because they did a review of the system and realized that we really do not need 2 and a half yrs of national service with modern technology and greater efficiency and stuff. it's about time they realized that! neways, if i am fit and get at least a silver on my IPPT test (some physical fitness test that involves running, pull-ups, standing broad jump, sit-ups etc.) then i can have an additional 2 months cut off with the 4, making it 6 months in total. meaning i only have 2 yrs in the army rather than 2.5... sounds pretty good to me. i've already had a couple of my pals in singapore bitching at me becoz of this tho. heh. Portugal just beat Russia 2-0 a couple hours ago. as much as i like the portugese team more, i still felt great pity for the Russian goalie as he was unjustly sent off. he did NOT handle the ball outside the penalty area.. .and now they're out of the competition. earlier on spain was held to a 1-1 draw by greece. i wonder if they're (greece) really that great. if greece qualify as group winners and providing england qualify as runners up from the other group behind france, they will be meeting each other in the quarter finals. that should be interesting :). oh well, gotta go download the latest goal clips!! hehe... and I absolutely LOVE "battle for middle earth"! why isn't it out yet?!?!?

2 weeks left in toronto. parents are still here. i love spending time with them but as a result no time to meet up with any of my buddies be they from school or the wunai gang. been learning a lot of stuff from mom that i missed out these last few years. hope it makes me a better person. that's prob the only direction i can go.. can't go any worse.. lol. had a dream last nite about my time back in high school. was so happy then with so much ahead of me... woke up a bit sad to find that it was all just a dream and the reality of the situation i'm in now. really unsure of what i'm gonna do after NS. i still have 2 plus yrs to decide... but time is slowly catching up with me.

i used to have a dream of being a pro footballer but i know that' down the drain for sure now. altho leon says he has a contact and may line me up for a semi-pro soccer team back in sg. that is no realistic long-term option tho. realistically i'd prob end up doing masters in international relations or start off as a teacher to get some teaching experience. my dad wants me to be a business man like him one day... i haven't ruled that out but it still seems so far away. not even sure where i'm gonna settle down next time. parents are thinking of moving here when they retire to become canadian PRs. i myself am not so sure. depends on so many factors... my future job... my future wife if i'm meant to have one... and my social circle as well. seems to be a lot of stuff in my mind yet for whatever i'm feeling surprisingly peaceful. apart from the fact that the LUCKY FRENCH beat poor england today in Euro 2004. guess it shows life isn't always fair. but still have to move on and accept things... go with the flow. to go with the flow and do what we can and change what we can. but what's beyond our control we must learn to accept graciously. i've known this for so long yet time and again i've failed to live up to it. guess it's about time i do that. alright.. off to watch DVD with mom and jie.

Finally graduated yesterday... was really busy with everything leading up to it. all the prep and stuff. woke up early to attend convocation mass that SMC has which is optional. but most of my pals from the St Mikes soccer team and classes were there. funny thing happened. Joe, Lance, and I were chosen by this gal photographer to be models for 15-20 mins and had our pictures taken for some UofT or St Mikes magazine. we had to sign "model release forms" to state that we allow them to use our photos and stuff. my sis cracked a joke and said better beware to read the fine print cuz maybe they're gonna put it on some porn site... i was thinking.. with grad gowns?? yeah right! neways, speaking of which we had to rent the grad gowns and stuff as well.

then i rushed for a quick bite before meeting my pals from the Wunai gang on front campus for some more photos. we took a lot of pics... probably also because there were like 4-5 cameras so each pic was taken that many times. i was enjoying myself and was slightly late for the gathering at UC where they line us up for convo.. so i had to rush!! neways.. convo went well, sis and dad both got the part where i was "hooded" on video as well. haha.. that should look funny. one of the things said in a speech given by the dean of arts and science struck me pretty hard tho. that "from this moment, we cease to be undergrad students of UofT, but a bridge to the outside world... a world with limitless possibilities". felt it's true yet sad to join the UofT alumni from ard the world. after graduation we went to CN tower for dinner at the 360 restaurant. food was freakin' expensive! but wasn't bad i guess. had a 4 course meal altho it's not too filling cuz each portion was small. then came home and tried to figure out some stuff for my dad on how to upload pics and videos from his pocket PC/PDA.

this morning had to wake up and drive my dad and mom to oshawa for some business meeting. it was a meeting to form a merger with another Uni for their business school. making many connections apparently... latest in line i think are UBC in vancouver and Uof Windsor. neways, drove through horrible traffic and good thing my dad was sleeping most of the way cuz part of the way i was speeding on the 401. :P heh... but i am a safe driver still!! haha. okies...feeling tired and hungry.. gonna go rustle up some grub.

been doing a lot of driving these few days... weather conditions haven't been that great either. it was so foggy the other day when we picked up mom that you can't see anywhere beyond 10 metres in front of you. apart from that it has been fun. my mom and sis trust my driving a lot more than i thought they would. i kinda expected them to be more "kancheong" with me behind the wheel but to my surprise they were even relaxed enough to fall asleep. neways, with mom here now, we kinda have a lot of things to settle. that's why these few days it's been non-stop action, going out, buying stuff for our new place, unpacking, packing, buying new furniture(from IKEA) and preparation for convo. my mom kinda forgot to bring my suit here so hopefully my dad won't forget! otherwise i may have to ask yuandong for his permission to wear his suit since he has it here with me for safe-keeping.

Speaking of convocation, my sis graduated yesterday. that lucky gal has now undergone 2 graduations in uni and already completed her masters. she has even started on her phD too. gonna be kinda weird addressing her as "dr. yeong" one day. heh... her graduation was actually quite "drama" cuz this lady collapsed in convo hall in what was thought to be a heart attack during the middle of a speech. to make things worse the speech was given by a woman who was receiving an "honorary doctors degree" in recognition for her excellent work etc, and it was someone dear to her who fell ill. and the paramedics took forever to come and treat her. talk about responsibility and efficiency. thank god the lady was ok in the end, but the president/chancellor of UofT was not best pleased with the paramedics when they finally arrived. this incident delayed the whole ceremony for at least 20 minutes. nehow, we went to "marche's" for dinner after the ceremony... just my mom, my sis, and I. really missed these family sessions the past year. glad to see my mom here. awaiting dad's arrival next week now.