An Endless Stream of Consciousness

God is good. Thank you God :)

I'm immensely depressed. I feel torn within. Why is it everytime i'm in these situations it's "Me vs. The whole world". Why can't the ppl who matter to me the most be supportive for once?

She sms-ed me again. Am i just someone she uses to relieve stress from her studying? or is it possible that i mean more to her than that? I want to know and I don't want to know. I want to hope but I don't want to hope. Talking to her will make me more confused than I already am. Should I?

I think too much. I really do. I figured if I cut down all this thinking by half, I wouldn't be bothered as much. Yes, that must be it. Maybe I should just focus on having fun later at soccer. Or focus on work for the next few weeks since that's what she'd be doing with her studies. She prob won't even have time for nething or anyone else. The fact that I won't be seeing her for the next 15 days doesn't help much tho. I don't want to miss her. God, give me strength...

I'll be at EDB for another 6 weeks. Had a talk with my bosses, and having given it some thought over the weekend, I've decided to have my contract extended till the end of Nov. I have absolutely no clue whether I've made the right choice or not. I mean.. what were my motivations when I made this decision? I mean it's not like this job has fantastic benefits or I get a lot of money out of it. I guess at the end of the day it was more of: I enjoy working with my pals here, I'm gonna miss "waking up everyday with no need to go to work, no drive, no aim". I NEED something to do.

I managed to negotiate for a day off each week with my big boss M tho, since I received my enlistment letter over the weekend and I'll have to pass (obtain silver or gold) in my IPPT soon if i'm to avoid the december batch (for those who failed). So the bargain was I get wednesdays off, but i still get the same pay, since in all honesty what I'm receiving is already only peanuts.

I've been feeling rather blue over the last 24 hrs or so. Don't really know why. Perhaps i do, but i just don't want to entertain the thought too much. *sigh* Sky looks kinda cloudy from here.. fits da mood. Da Jie's not here today... won't be able to listen to her corny antics for 2 days since i'm off tom. hmmmz.... and amelia's desk is starting to look worse than a war zone. i really should pile some of my unwanted junk up there too. looks very tempting... heh.

Neways, Got status meeting at 10am for the whole Marcom div--gonna recap on GES2004 or so i've heard. hope the meeting won't take forever, and i won't need to be on my feet the whole time like at the last status meeting! Then after that Cat's gonna brief me on smthg, I'll probably spend the next few weeks helping her with her Web and IT project stuff. Sometimes i kinda get the feeling she's overworked. Altho she's gonna go on her 2 week leave starting next week soon, to study for her exams. *sigh* gonna miss her...

My Photo Gallery has been updated with September/October 2004 pics.

GES 2004

It has been a really busy week so far, with Global Entrepolis @ Singapore, and haven't really had time for anything or anyone else. been knocking off as late as 11pm and going to work as early as 8 each day, but in all weirdness, i am finding it to be very fun and fulfilling working on this project with my colleagues. gonna miss it when this week ends. in fact i'm gonna miss my work when i end next week, could u believe i am saying that? even i can't believe i am saying that.

this morning Su Pei jokingly asked some of my senior colleagues if they would like me to extend my stay. they said it was up to me. the idea popped in my head "why not?". but then again, "why yes?" i really dunno. really confusing. too tired to think about this now. and no time to describe the events of this week. i do have time to put up this pic tho. really nice pic of the marcom team at the Gala dinner on Tuesday nite.

Sunday, 10 October, 2004.
Questra VIPERS All-Stars FC 3 Unnamed FC 3

VIPERS BLOW CHANCE

Telecom Field -- Questra Vipers collapsed in dramatic fashion today as they let a 3 goal half time lead slip against a resurgent Unnamed FC side. After working themselves into what appeared to be a comfortable 3-0 lead, the Vipers just couldn't keep out their opponents in a second half onslaught as the Unnamers smelled blood and sensed that the game was there for the taking.

Vipers forward James Ou was left to rue a guilt-edged opportunity to put his team in front in the first half when compatriot Yeong put him through on goal with a slide rule pass. But having beaten a defender then the keeper, and with the goal at his mercy, Ou somehow managed to sky his shot over the bar for an inexplicable miss. The first half was all Questra as the White Vipers laid siege on Unnamed FC's goal with wave after wave of attack. It could well have been more than just the 3 goals had the home team been more clinical in their finishing. But with it being an early morning kick off, perhaps what really was needed was a wake up call. Midfield wizard Dai Yiyong was instrumental in each attack andtogether with Kevin, who had a relatively easy time in the opening exchanges of the game, were in total command of the midfield. Dai linked up well with Yeong, and 2 such occasions resulted in goals for the home team.

Having come close on two occasions, the Vipers finally broke the deadlock in the 15th minute. There appeared to be little threat when Yeong robbed Unnamed player #3 of the ball on the left wing, but when the dimunitive forward laid the ball off to Dai there was only going to be one outcome. Dai made a dash towards the by-line, beating 2 players and rounding the keeper in the process, only to find that he had gone to far. With little support to be found in thebox, he bent the ball over and around the keeper from the tightest of angles, who had only just recovered from his initial stumble to make up some ground.

That proved to be the catalyst for a barrage of Vipers goals as only 4 minutes later, Ou made up for his earlier miss by scoring in spectacular fashion. Latching onto a misplaced pass, James beat the left back to the ball before outpacing the Unnamed rearguard to send himself through on goal. Spotting the keeper who had rushed off his line, the pacey forward then sent a delightful chip over the keeper and in off the far post for what was simply a wonderful goal.

Not wanting to be upstaged by his compatriots, Yeong finally got in on the scoring act in the 27th minute. Dai sent a through ball right into the heart of Unnamed FC's defense, for an ever alert John Yeong to pounce on. With the opposing rearguard attempting to play the offside and being slow to react, the Vipers frontman needed no second invitation to score. Yeong proceeded to sprint through and take the ball around the keeper, before coolly slotting home with his left.

The second half was to prove an entirely different affair. With Shawn being replaced by newbie recruit and youth team member XX, rightback Francis Chong was switched over onto the left flank to team up with hardman Boon Keng and to provide some much needed steel.The second period began well for the home team, and they almost continued where they left off in the first half when on 48 minutes, Yeong once again sent Dai through on goal, this time with a beautiful flick off the outside of his foot. However, this time the midfield magician's first touch let him down and the ball trickled straight into the arms of a relieved goalkeeper.

It took the away team 25 mins after the restart to finally get the breakthrough they were looking for, and when it did arrive, it came under extremely controversial circumstances. Unnamed forward blatantly reached out to control a high ball with his right arm, and with the Vipers rearguard anticipating a whistle for handball that never came, he lashed home a vicious half volley from the edge of the area. For the first time in the game, Vipers began to look vulnerable, and a series of defensive scares that followed soon after did little to inspire team confidence.

The Vipers defence was a complete shambles, and it came as little surprise when a second goal for Unnamed FC arrived soon after. The Vipers shot stopper fumbled a shot in what should have been a routine collection and an onrushing Unnamed forward wasted no time in hooking the ball across goal into the far corner. With a quarter of an hour left on the clock, Unnamed FC finally snatched the equalizer the craved and deserved. Off a corner kick,Unnamed FC player #5 stole in past a static Vipers defense unmarked to send the ball rocketing into the roof of the net to send the away team into raptures.

UNNAMED COACH BLASTS COCKY QUESTRA

Unnamed FC Coach Mr. I-don't-like-Cocky slammed the Vipers after the match for being arrogant. Said the Veteran tactician, `I think today they learned a lesson in humility. The match is never over until the final whistle is blown.'`At half time, the game looked dead and buried, and I had a massive job on my hands to get my team to play to the level which I know they can. I told them from now on, we won't concede goals. If you do that, we will have a good chance of getting back into the game.'`I also told them, if we can't win, then just kick the Vipers players. Afterall, who cares for FIFA Fair play, we are just an amateur team.'

Vipers frontman Ou hit back, `Mr. I-don't-like-Cocky should learn to keep his big mouth shut. Our players are fully focused for the 90 minutes of every match and overconfidence definitely wasn't what made us lose today.'

Compatriot Yeong was quick to agree, `We began to tire towards the end today. The heat got to us. We definitely didn't become complacent for we know how dangerous that is.'

Dai Yiyong blasted his teammates, `We lost all shape in midfield in the second half and allowed them space and time, which cannot be afforded at this level of play. We got what we deserved.'

Questra Vipers All Stars vs UNNAMED FC.
Date: Sunday, October 10, 2004
Venue: Telecom Field, Yio Chu Kang
Kickoff: 11am

Pre-Match Report:

VIPERS FIRED UP FOR WEEKEND CLASH

Yio Chu Kang -- Questra Vipers are looking to extend their 50 match unbeaten run this Sunday when they face UNNAMED FC in the eagerly awaited Telecom field showdown. With newly-appointed team captain Tan Boon Keng's birthday in midweek, coupled with the fact that this maybe the final match before the winter break, the Vipers will be keen to go out with all guns blazing and end the halfway mark to their season on a high.

`We will trash those bastards for our bro, because it's his birthday,' enthused team right back Francis Chong.`He has been a source of inspiration for all of us with his crazy tackles, and now that Tuan has left us, it is only right that Fatty should lead our team. So we are really hoping to win this game for him. Winning his first game as team captain would be the perfect present.'

Other members of the squad appeared to be in equally buoyant mood during the team's latest training session. Although only a miserable 9 players turned out for the training session, lots of positives can be drawn from it: such as the fact that none of those who turned up ended up seriously injured, considering the fact that there were numerous senseless challenges and x-rated tackles during the session.

Skipper Tan Boon Keng was eager to play down the significance of the poor turnout. `Our players have a life you know. You can't expect them to always turn up for training if they rather go and cheong,' said the skipper.`I choose to look at the positive side of things. You can either look at things and say the cup is half empty or half full. I choose the latter,' added Boon, who seemed more than eager to carry out the interview in a philosophical fashion although nobody asked him to.

This Sunday's match will also mark the team's first match without former team captain Hung Tuan, who has been so vital to the team'sfortunes in the past. Star striker Ou said the team is keen to prove that life after Tuan could be equally, if not more successful than before.

Said Ou, `he will be sorely missed because of what he offers to the team.'
`But life goes on, and we all just have to concentrate on what we do best, that is playing football,' added the short, dark skinned, muscle bound, and steroid-taking but in self denial pacey striker.

Team Goalkeeper Nicholas appears to be winning his fitness battle and is set to retain his place in the starting line-up after being outfor 3 weeks on the sidelines. He was sent to hospital last month when a clash with an opposing striker left a nasty gash on his face, leaving need for medical treatment. The news will be welcomed by skipper Boon, who has had to deputize forNicholas while he was away.

`It's great to have Nick back in theteam. Not only because he is a good friend of ours but also becausenow that he's back I can go and concentrate on what I do best, going out there and hurting opponents with my dangerous tackles.'

None of the team seemed too bothered by the fact that they are feeling confident although they have absolutely no f**kin'clue who their opponents are this weekend. Said vice-captain Yeong, `It's always the same old story in this league. We never know who we play against till the day itself. The referee organizes the game for us,'`but to feel confident and still win the game regardless of who theopposition is proves what a world class squad we have, and that our league is a world class league. We could easily trash Arsenal if they were in our league. But we cannot underestimate our opponents, the strong ones usually can hold us to a draw,' added the outspoken but humble, tall, dark, and extremely goodloo... ahem…charming forward.

The players plan to celebrate captain Boon's birthday in a party held on Saturday night, less than 18 hrs before kickoff time. Midfield wizard Dai Yiyong was quick to dispel any notion of overconfidence inthe dressing room.

`we have to celebrate our captain's birthday. It comes only once a year. Our opponents can wait, we trash them many times a year anyways.' Centre back Aw also added, `we are already celebrating Boon'sbirthday 4 days late, so not to celebrate it at all would be disrespectful to him. After all he has invited us and it is none ofUNNAMED FC's business what we do behind closed doors.'

Asked if the team will have sufficient rest for the match on the following day, Dai quipped, `That's why I especially requested for a non-morning match. Otherwise I will be half asleep like the last time.'

This has got to be one of the most miserable weekends. Not only did i hurt myself in soccer training yesterday, United also failed to beat a depleted Boro side, only managing a 1-1 draw at OT. Well, at least soccer wise it isn't all that great.

I also ended up doing some reflection over the last two days. I realized that i have either been too busy working or having fun over the last while to have thought about how i am actually living life. I found out that i can be a rather spiteful person afterall. I really hate people with big mouths full of insensitive and snide remarks. It doesn't matter whether they mean it or not, the fact is i seem to get bothered by these comments very easily. So much so that i can get very worked up or even have violent thoughts inside my head. Well fair enough at least now i control myself and don't act them out like i used to in sec school. But this still worries me, all the more so when i am reminded of the fact that we are supposed to do things with love in all our actions. (*Thanks Father Iggy!)

How is that possible i wonder, when sometimes someone says or does something out of spite for u that is clear for all to see? I mean i know NOT to react under provocation. But to go on treating that person with love? It's utter folly in my opinion. But what seems foolish to us is perhaps indeed wisdom in God's eyes? A colleague of mine told me sometime last week "there is no point getting worked up over small things that happen, since there are so many of them in life that if you did get mad on each occasion you would be a goner." :) How true. But then again she can be pretty worked up at times too.. hehe.

in other news, i got my new webcam this week. well actually it's not exactly a new webcam, more like new for me but was given to me by my bro-in-law. tried it out with some friends already, resolution seems fine. heh. so fun.. i don't wanna sound like some lamebrain bimbo who gets so excited over small things but hey! it's so cool! webcam baby! ok ok. what a loser...

i've also been bumping into a lot of my gal acquaintances here in sg (from ex-cat. classmates, church, neighbours, and beyond) the last couple of weeks. most of them i haven't seen for years, so it's been more or less a pleasant surprise for me on more than one occasion. and wow, they have changed A LOT-- quite a few of them have in fact become rather cute or hot. not that they were ugly or anything... :P but let's not get to the "superficial b**tard" side of john now shall we. i treat all my friends the same. or at least i try to. Certain circumstances really DO make it difficult for me. But i'll not stop trying. Just don't p*ss me off too much ;)