An Endless Stream of Consciousness

I have just come to realize that my life has been so absorbed by the army that i no longer even know what it feels like to be a civilian anymore. my concerns nowadays all revolve around army life: will i make a good officer? what will training be like next week? are my weekends gonna be burned again? etc etc...

Throughout the time when my friends were in army i used to be the one who reminded them to keep their minds open and to have the ability to see the bigger picture. in the context of their entire life, NS is definitely just a small facet, regardless of how tough or painful it may turn out to be. Yet here I am, complaining week in week out about my life in camp, mourning the miseries that befall life of an officer cadet, who for some reason seem to have the words "Officer Cadet: Tekan Me". As fast as 2 and a half months may sound to be, it still sounds like ages to me. and at this point in time, with Starlight merely 2 weeks away, and all the stress in the world still to come in the next month or so, i sometimes feel rather overwhelmed.

Pray to god that things will turn out well. Pray to god that i will keep a cool had, be calm, and above all, a good leader who motivates my peers when the time comes. But somehow, i feel a lack of security or a lack of belief in my ability to inspire others. Maybe it comes with time. I don't know. Whatever it is, one thing i do know is that i will make full use of my time in SI. In fact, when i look back at most of my time in army, i always miss the days spent as a trainee. I have no doubt this will be the same.

4 weeks to Starlight...

time really flies. i still remember my last week at Tango Wing in OCS. and now, i'm midway through Pro Term, with our summary exercise looming in the horizon. I really hope i'll be ready when the time comes. I hope i have the answers to whatever problems will be posed. But regardless, I know God will take care of things. He always does.

This past week has been very stressful and hectic for me. Being the President of the Mess Committee for our course, i was responsible for organizing our opening this past monday. But now that the Cadet Mess Opening is over, i really am grateful for this breather!

Am missing Toronto again. Everytime i see my friends return to T.O. from their summer break here i can't help but feel a tinge of envy. I really pray that i will be granted the leave i intend to take early next year to go visit T.O. with Cathy. *fingers crossed* i really do... pray to god.... Anyways, today it's raining really hard outside... really good for sleeping....zzzZZz think i'll go do that now... lol... ;)