An Endless Stream of Consciousness

I woke up this morning feeling rather weird. This is my second last day in EDB. This time it's for real. No more contract extensions, no more discussions with my boss. I'm also stuck with facing a very distinct possibility that I will be enlisting on the 10 Dec. that leaves me with barely a week and a half of freedom. Things don't look so bright now ain't it? Da jie, Nicole, and Amelia are also leaving tomorrow. Dunno what will become of our group after this. Another chapter of my life is over, this time a much shorter one than before, but nonetheless just as fun, just as fruitful, and no less memories to cherish.

Speaking of Amelia, I really don't want to talk about her for now--because nothing that i say about her will be good. Let's just say she has reached a new low in her level of irresponsibility. If there was a award in "siaming" work and finding excuses to be absent, she would win it hands down. I could take someone telling me they are just plain lazy and don't want to help. At least that way they'd be honest. But no, she has to do things this way. It's little wonder everyone in our group is rather ticked off at her. Always sitting there chatting on the phone with her friends and doing nothing, yet unwilling to help us with our work when everyone else is swamped. anyways, enough about this.

On a happier note, I went for my "month-iversary date" at Sentosa with my dear yesterday. Can't believe it's already been a month since we got together. Seemed a lot shorter than that. Anyways, the weather wasn't very pleasant. In fact, it rained. No matter, sometimes rain could be even more romantic under such circumstances. We were lucky enough to get the whole cable car to ourselves on both legs of the journey, and we spent a long period of time sitting under a shelter alone staring into the pouring rain. That has got to be one of the most peaceful moments I have experienced in a long time. A thousand thoughts flashed across my mind, things that I wish to tell her, yet once again I was at a loss for words to say anything. Nonetheless we both enjoyed spending that bit of alone time since we don't really get to spend time together during the rest of the week. On the way back we had BK for dinner and got each other little gifts to remind each of us of the other. Quite simply a beautiful date on a beautiful day.

5.07pm on a Tuesday afternoon. It's almost exactly a week till the last day of my stay here in EDB. The rain is coming down in torrents against the panes of our office window here at Raffles City Tower. I never thought that the weather could be such an accurate reflection of one's emotions. She's attending a meeting now... which means i won't be seeing her anymore at all at least until tomorrow nite. I dunno why but suddenly I have this really strong urge to bawl my eyes out. I really do.

I am not one who bursts out crying any time i feel like it, but this time I'm fighting really hard to hold back my emotions. I guess our emotions are a funny thing given to us from up above. Many times you can't really put them into words. But when your heart is given to another, you can suddenly feel what the other feels. Yet though I can be a very expressive person (with my emotions) in general, I find that something is holding me back from telling her what I feel. Is it really true that some things are better left unsaid? If it is indeed true like she said that she feels what i feel, then she should know what i have to say already.

Why is it that she can always sense it when I am bothered by something? And how is it that I find it so hard to put into words what I think? Regardless, I already told her last nite. If there is one thing I know from the bottom of my heart it is that I don't want to lose her. But I know for certain that our relationship is still young and we are still finding our feet, and there will be many obstacles along the way. Yet she is already starting to mean more to me than any worldly thing. I really need the wisdom and the courage to pull through. And with all my hope I pray that she will feel the same and do so too.

My Photo Gallery has been updated with photos taken at the Istana.

'Your lips speak soft sweetness,
Your touch a cool caress;
I am lost in your magic,
My heart beats within your chest.

I think of you each morning,
And dream of you each night;
I think of your arms around me,
And cannot express my delight.

Never have I fallen,
But I am quickly on my way;
You hold a heart in your hands,
That has never felt this way.'

Original by Rex A. Williams, improvised by John Yeong.

ISTANA EXPERIENCE

Felt so special yesterday. Had an incredibly unique opportunity to do public speaking in the State Room at the State Lectern in the Istana. Was the orator and reading citations during the Investiture of the Honorary Citizen of Singapore Award, Friends of Singapore Awards etc. His Excellency the President S R Nathan was there again, BG George Yeo, other big shots and some distinguished guests. I guess the best part was not only did I not screw up during the event, but also received many rave reviews from the people all around, from the executives and staff till the President's ADCs and our Chairman's wife.

Of course the one person i had to make happy was my big boss M. And she was too. Oh well, job done. My dar-ling even told me last nite that she saw me on TV on the news at 1030. too bad i was still at the dinner event and couldn't catch it heh. oh well, glad the event's over. next obstacle to clear--my IPPT . i really want to clear it now. focus is the key...


Me in the State Room in front of the President's Chair.

Me with one of the President's friendly ADCs

Me at the State Lectern doing my citations.

Marcom team @ the Istana (clockwise): Amelia, Nicole, Shari, Me, & Evelyn.

The Istana from a distance.

Am I an unfair person? I can't help but feel guilty. Was very bothered by something she told me last nite. But why is it so hard to accept what she said when I was actually worse in the past than she was? Yet she is able to accept my past? I have to learn to let go... i really do. I miss her still... still another week till she's back in the office.

Grant me the wisdom O God that I may discern with your truth. Grant me your love, that I may bring life to others. Grant me your peace, that old wounds may be healed.

feels good to have gotten it out of the way... also feels good to have told dad, mom, and sis about it. was figuring if i should because i wasn't sure if they would accept my choice or back my decision. as expected, they were rather doubtful whether i did the right thing, considering i've not known her for long, and i can be a very impulsive person (my track record in the past doesnt exactly help reassure them). I am grateful that they are supportive nonetheless tho. I really have to thank God for such a beautiful family who cares so much for me.

on the working front, i will be the emcee at our inaugural RHQ (regional headquarters) awards presentation ceremony tomorrow. Will be handing out awards to 7 companies. GOH for tom will be Minister of State for Trade & Industry Mr. Heng Chee How. I still don't feel too nervous as yet, but i am anticipating i may be closer to the event. Also probably because i am too tired now to feel nervous. Been having very late nites after talking on the phone with her. I def need a good nite's sleep tonite tho. Can't be missed.

Played for my Bro-in-law's team yesterday again. Our opponents were the Singapore Chinese Rec. Club Team. They allegedly had some ex-ex-national team players. It really didnt feel like it tho as we beat them 4-2. I scored our second goal and had an assist for our 4th. Even had a goal disallowed for apparently fouling the keeper. Which was weird considering I did not touch the keeper at all. Oh well. Picked up another scraped knee. Hurts like hell.

Heading for mass later tonite before going for bro-in-law's (zibin) bdae dinner. Hope mommy remembers to buy the custard tarts for him like my sis requested. Otherwise I sure kena one (considering I was the one she told to get it done). Knockoff time can't come quickly enough. zzzZZZ.